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Marriage Conflict - Double Libra Married to Double Sagittarius
Dear Elsa,
I’m newly - and quite happily - married to the person I fully believe to be my soul-mate. We hardly ever argue - and, when we do, we fight fair for the most part. We relate to one another like we’ve been best friends since shortly after birth.
But there’s this peculiar dynamic that concerns me. She’s what I call a “simmerer”. See, it’s in my nature to be irreverent with someone I’m comfortable with. I think out loud and, inevitably say something that she will perceive as insensitive. I usually wish I’d thought before opening my mouth, but it’s typically too late. And then she’ll simmer about it - never getting loud or vocal - sometimes for quite a while.
How long she’d stay upset, I don’t really know… because I work really hard to “bring her back”. This action alone often causes resentment on my part. I think to myself, “What if I didn’t care enough?” I had to do this on our honeymoon. Here we were in Australia (and admittedly I did something stupid and immature to prompt it), but I felt the “punishment” was totally out of proportion to the offense.
Yet, when we do make up… things are as good as ever (for now, at least). But nothing makes me more upset than her being upset. I feel like my world is out of whack and off-balance. Quite honestly, she doesn’t seem nearly as concerned. If anything, she’s trying to prove a point of some kind. Bottom line is that it’s draining for the both of us - and we value our marriage too much to let it continue.
Are we forever doomed to this dynamic; this pout-and-make-up pattern? Does it have an astrological basis?
Help!
Curiouser and Curiouser
Dear Curiouser,
Okay, listen up. You are right. She is not as concerned. She is a double Sagittarius, you are a double Libra. In fact, you have you Sun, Moon, Mercury, Mars, Pluto and Uranus in Libra. That is one hell of a lot of Libra and guess what Libra rules? Partnerships! Marriage. So get this loud and clear:
NO ONE IS AS CONCERNED ABOUT “RELATIONSHIPS” AS YOU ARE! Your entire life is about “the other”. And I am not being critical. I am just saying, this is the way it is and if you can come to understand this… that other people have wildly different priorities, it will save you copious amounts of grief.
Now if you read your question up there, it’s very clear that you are focused on how two people relate. That’s fine, but it won’t help you much and I’ll tell you why. It’s because you can’t control your wife… not even one bit. But here’s what you can do:
You can embrace your nature. You can focus on the other, but in a more productive way. That is, you can try to understand her nature so that you can be a better partner and I’ll give my read on this scenario.
Your wife is a double Sadge. She needs tremendous room to roam. Like a wild horse. Wild horses do not like to be balled and chained… which is how it feels to her when another person is underfoot all time. Including on a honeymoon, okay?
Because to you, a honeymoon is one thing. To her, it’s probably primarily TRAVEL, and hopefully with someone who can hit the ground running. Are you getting the picture here? Because I bet you this is the underlying reason why there is conflict. She gets all kinds of skittish when she is too reined in.
So this is my advice: if you want your wife to be happy, read everything you can find on Sagittarius, and act accordingly. In short, she needs everything that wild horses need to be happy. A little food, a little water, some sex… but more than anything she needs to run, unfettered. She needs another perspective. She needs a ‘new vista” and she needs this alllll the time.
And as for giving back (my own Libra moves to balance) - you need to know you’re in a RELATIONSHIP. Which means she needs to be calling you from wherever… and letting you know that she loves you… that she is your partner. Do this for each other and you’ll be well on your way.
Good luck.
~~
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As a “simmerer” myself, I can tell you, I just have to simmer. Even if I was the one who was wrong. Even if I simmer longer than the “fight” was on. Typically, I need three days to get over anything. Because I’m thinking about it, trying to figure out how to avoid that in the future, and trying to rebalance and realign my thinking to accept whatever it is and move on.
During my simmering, I don’t want to talk about it and I don’t want to hear about it or it resets my simmer timer and I need to simmer more on the additional information. It took me years to realize that I simmer. I just do and I don’t think I can stop…I just require the time to process my anger or frustration or whatever it is.