Hello again Double Aquarius, biracial, gay cellist, deep-thinking, hard-working writer with one of the most exquisite charts I have ever seen in my life.

I am going to define your problems for you. Not that you didn’t do a good job, because you did. But you have your words and I have mine.

Pluto square the Sun and Moon gives energy that attracts and repels. When you sense people are attracted to you, it gives a feeling of power. When you sense their repulsion, you feel like an ogre or worse. Much worse actually. It’s very strange energy because it pulls people in as it simultaneously pushes them away and you have to walk around with a force field like that.

Well guess what? There’s nothing you can do about it. It’s how you are built. It’s how I am built too, so don’t forget that. You are not alone out there.

There are others like you… akin to you, and this is one of the ways you can go at that loneliness problem. You can keep an eye out for your tribe, that is. People like you, who are sensitive to what is hidden. People well acquainted with intense feelings, including pain.

Because you may very well be an intense piece of work, but understand this: people feed off energy like yours. They sure as hell do. Right before they persecute you in many cases, and not because you deserve it! But because as Elvis Costello writes in “Blame It On Cain”, “…it’s nobodies fault, but we need somebody to burn..”

Remember they used to burn “witches”? Who do you think those women were? Think they were intense? Threatening? Sexual? I bet they were and what did the collective do? They burned them down.

You could say the same thing about the black men killed by the KKK and the like. Do you think those white boys were threatened? I do.

And what if you were one of them? What if you are part of the group being persecuted?

Well you are, aren’t you? And no wonder you feel “unattractive”. How can you not feel lowly and dirty and so forth, when the collective constantly throws it’s shadow on you?

Well the fact is, I don’t think this is entirely avoidable. You can work with it and I’ll get to that, but I don’t think you can avoid going down from time to time. And I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad. I am trying to illuminate the root of your desperate feelings, the “slow rhythms” you mentioned that you can’t quite pin down.

I want you to see that you are carrying the shadow for the collective and the root goes back for generations. And at this point, I guess I better apologize to your Aquarius side. The part of you that is detached, that is. Because I know this is very heavy for you on some level, but I can’t help it. This is your chart.

Come back tomorrow.

~~
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Dear Strung,

Well hello, you Double Aquarius, biracial, gay cellist, deep-thinking, hard-working writer with one of the most exquisite charts I have ever seen in my life. How the hell are you? Not so good, I’m sorry to hear. I will try to help.

And I am going to take my time. I am going to write on your chart for a few days, so those reading with short attention spans, please come back later in the week.

First the anger. Anger, sex drive and “getting what you want” in general is a function of Mars in a chart. Your Mars is in Scorpio conjunct Pluto, which is one badass Mars. It’s potent. It’s powerful. It’s a killer Mars, a super focused Mars, but. But it is also conjunct Saturn.

Saturn insists you control this! Saturn is afraid. And this is for good AND ill.

For example, Saturn tied up with Mars gives discipline. You can sit in that chair and play your instrument. You can take direction. You can burrrrrrrrn it to your hard drive.

But on the downside… well there is great fear. What if your power gets loose? What if you lose control?

And in a way, this is what is happening with the angry outbursts. You have been containing this Mars of yours… denying it and it’s not going to take it anymore. Basically you are meeting your own prowess. It wants to be acknowledged and exercised.

And you can think if this in phallic terms if you wish. In fact, I recommend it. Like a hard-on that occurs in nature, your energy wants to be used.

And I am not suggesting that you are not acquainted with this in the least. But over this next year, as Saturn transits your natal Mars, Pluto, Saturn conjunction, you will become very aware of your raw male energy and more masterful at channeling it - which for the record, is OFF THE CHARTS by anyone’s standard.

Now regarding your low mood and problems in relationships, these things are hard-wired, just like your prowess and the struggle it presents. Further, they are connected.

See, the Mars, Pluto, Saturn conjunction in your chart is square both your Sun and Moon in Aquarius, and brother? Let me tell you something. This is just about as hard as it gets. Anybody who thinks they’re having a hard life ought to get in your body for a day. It would shut ‘em right up. So absorb this today and tomorrow, part two.

~~
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Dear Moon,

Should you leave him alone? Probably. You’re definitely a little crazy, but it’s the authentic you and it’s not like he’s rejected you. And it’s not like it’s a foregone conclusion that he will. I asked a man about this…

He said if a woman knocked on his door and asked him out, he would go immediately if he found her appealing. Are you appealing? I’ll bet you are.

So I say, go for it. The worst he can do is tell you that you’re a hag, in which case you can thank him very much and have a good story to tell.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Needs,

Your chart perfectly reflects your email and you have got to be one brilliant chick to have this figured out when you’re not even twenty. So don’t worry! When you’re smart as you are, you can find a way.

Here’s the astrology: it’s your Mars in Gemini that flirts. And Mars in your chart is emphasized because you’ve got a motherlode of Aries - the sign that Mars rules, also known as “raw male energy”. Now does a warrior want to be someone’s little wifey? I don’t think so!

Further, you have an Aquarius Moon, and Venus in aspect to Uranus. The Moon and Venus rule the “girly” stuff and with Aquarius/Uranus involved, you will never stand for convention and/or restriction. You want complete emotional freedom, and a terrific degree of space in relationships, as you’re well aware.

So here’s the problem. Well, there’s two of them, but they are related. For one thing, you’re a Taurus. Bummer, man. Not in general, but with the rest of your chart, look out. Because Taurus is an earthy animal. Taurus has tactile needs. Taurus has skin hunger. Taurus needs to be touched. And if you want to know how Taurus gets along with Aquarius, well check this:

Remember my double Aquarius pal, Kay? Well she hooked up with a Taurus. She was quite attracted to him, however his body made her half insane. See, he would throw his leg over her when they slept together and she would be lying there, pinned and freaking out.

I know you can relate and do you see my point? You are both these people in the same body! And you also have Pluto in the 8th house, opposing your Sun and this adds up to a sex drive that will not be denied. So what to do?

Well, forget tradition. It’ll never work. You’ll be on your own among your peers in large part, but so? What you want is a friend (Aquarius) you can be intimate with. And I don’t mean “fuck buddy”. It doesn’t have to be that way, and I can assure you of this, firsthand.

See, I am like you… a more toned-down version. And when I was young… which lasted for a long time, lol - I could not be tied down. But this does not mean I was not attached. I was enormously attached. I met a man when I was fifteen and went on and off with him for seventeen years! When we were not intimate, we were friends and get this:

It’s going on thirty years later and we still are. The physical relationship ended some ten years ago but we are in close contact to this day. He’s is a life-long love… albeit unconventional. So this is one option and there are others.

I am currently in the most intimate relationship of my life by far, but I am unmarried. We live nearby, not together. And you could not find two people more bonded, believe me. But we do it our way, which involves some space.

So you get my point. You know what you’re looking for and I advise you don’t compromise. Because it’s out there, I promise you that. Good luck.

~~
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Dear Confused,

In astrology, love and money go hand in hand as they are both Venus-ruled. Consequently, Venus in a chart (it’s sign, it’s house and it’s aspects) describe a person’s financial and relationship situation. So lets talk about yours.

You have Venus in Pisces in the twelfth house, which is basically Venus in Pisces squared. Why? Because the twelfth house is the Pisces house, so you’ve basically got a theme repeated - or what astrologer Stephen Arroyo calls, a “double whammy”.

So how does Venus in Pisces act? Well, it’s not stable, that’s for sure. Pisces energy is like the tide. It comes in, but don’t try to nail it down or anything, because that’s not how it works.

Personal to you, this means your love and your money is in constant flux. So if you are looking for love you can pin down, well you’re not going to get it. Leave that to the Venus Saturn people and believe me, you don’t need to envy them. Ever heard of someone in a crappy relationship for thirty years? Those people could use a little flux, huh?

So anyway…there are some things you can do. You can work to avoid the low expression of Pisces - for example, deluding yourself. The guy you met four minutes ago who says he is your soul mate? Maybe not. The guy with the get rich scheme… you need not lift a finger, and you’ll become a millionaire in just a few short months? Probably not.

You say you think you are using sound judgment and it’s not that I don’t believe you. I just think this bears repeating. You must discriminate at all times and if you can, get yourself a Virgo to help. Why?

Because Virgo opposes Pisces and has skills that Pisces needs to develop. Like discrimination. So you meet a man and you ask your Virgo pal.. ‘He’s got two legs, two arms, a head on his shoulders… er, right?”

And if the Virgo says “all clear”, then it probably is. After awhile, you will learn to do this for yourself, but get the big picture here which is this:

You’re a Ram all right. In fact, you have Mars conjunct your Aries Sun, another double whammy. That is A LOT of raw male energy. But why are you confused? Well, besides Venus, you have Chiron, Saturn, Mercury and your ascendant all in Pisces (known to be confused).

So this is my other advice: Go read everything you can about Pisces because you are one. You’re gonna flip.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Girlfriend,

I have a couple things I can offer. First, some clarity around where this guy’s head is at.

When a man tells you they want to be able to see other people, it means exactly that. It means he does not want to be committed to you, obligated to you, etc. But I can understand your confusion. I can see how you could be misled by the fact that he is introducing you to his daughter… so let me explain that.

It’s very hard to be a single parent. Single parents want adult company. They crave it. They also want to get laid! And they are supposed to be perfect around who they introduce and expose their kids to, but this is an imperfect world.

I am not defending his actions. I’m just saying you should not read too much into the fact you will be meeting his daughter. This is very likely a matter of convenience.

So that’s that, but here’s what really troubles me about this.

You are very concerned about what he thinks and feels and seem to have very little awareness of your own feelings, wants and needs. For example, how did you feel when he told you he wanted to be able to see other people? Were you hurt? Surprised? Angry? You don’t mention any of that, so this is my real advice:

You’re a Pisces with a Cancer Moon. You are all about feelings. And when you find yourself detached from your feelings like this, it’s a very bad sign. I’m sorry.:(

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Woman,

No, I don’t think it’s love. If you have to ask…then it’s not love. Not that there is anything wrong with him. He’s just not the man for you.

So who is? What is it you’re looking for? Well, with Venus in Capricorn, in exact aspect to Saturn in the seventh house, there is always going to be “parent/child” thing in your relationships. Does this mean you’re looking for a daddy? Well, yeah.

And there is nothing wrong with that. Because you are very parental yourself. And if you do not get someone else with this sort of ability, well it’s a foregone conclusion that you are going to find yourself exactly where you are at the moment. Providing for a man who can do nothing for you, AKA you are the Mommy, and he is the child.

Get it?

Here’s my advice: get your mind around the idea there will always be a parent/child aspect in your relationships. Because there will. And then look for someone who can work both sides of that aspect. Someone who can be a good parent to you… and by that I do not mean authority. What I mean is that, you are a guide. And you want someone to guide you. You support people and you want someone to support you.

And don’t worry about becoming dependent, because that will never happen. The two of you can slide back and forth in these positions, caring for each other. Nurturing each other. You will never be a “little girl” for more than an hour or two a day, if you’re lucky. You lost that chance when your parents died, didn’t you? You did, and I’m sorry.

But by all means, please go get yourself a full-grown man. Personally, I would look for someone older. Five to ten years… because you’re way grown up, aren’t you? I think so. I imagine the man who has what you need is going to have experience and maturity beyond your own… and extra years on the planet affords this.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Pisces,

With your Sun in Pisces square Neptune, I don’t doubt you feel lost so I’m going to try to clarify this for you. No this man is not your soulmate. He is also not “confused”. He knows exactly what he wants. He does not want to be your man.

Now I am sorry if this hurts you, but it’s really not my point. You see, it’s the lack of clarity that is creating the pain. Is he? Should I have? Shall I wait for him? Pine for him? Be a Pisces doormat for him? (All your Pisces sisters nod. They know, they’ve been there).

So here is your answer: fuck no. Let him go. And you know what? You’re good at this.

You’re good at transcending - that’s Pisces. But beyond that, with Venus in Aquarius square Uranus, you are prone to sudden attractions, and relationships that go from 0-50 in fifteen minutes… so don’t worry. Let him go. With Venus rising in your chart, I bet you have another man in less than a week.

Good luck.
~~
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Dear Beginning,

No, I don’t think this will be the trend for the rest of your life - provided you decide you want something different. Do you want something different? I think you might, but let me help you get a few things clear.

First, as a Sagittarius with an Aquarius rising, you like your independence. You don’t want anyone telling you what to do, that’s for sure. You don’t want to be restricted and your relationships reflect this.

So as long as this is what you want… this is what you will have. But what if you want something different? What if you want something more “contained”?

Well if this is the case, you might decide to start restricting yourself. And you might start by looking a little deeper. Do you know you have Scorpio in your chart? Venus in Scorpio, for one thing. So you might want to start thinking about the psychology behind your relationships. For example, the married men.

When you take up with another woman’s man, you are almost guaranteed there’s an exit. If he doesn’t cut if off, you can at any time - and obviously this serves you, yes? It serves a side of you anyway, but you know I think?

I think your Scorp side has had enough of this pattern, and wants a new game. I think you’re ready for a more deeply satisfying meal, and on that note I’ll let a Scorpio pal of mine tell you:

“Pull your horns in,” he told me recently when I was struggling regarding direction. He thought I should stop charging while I figured some things out, and this is what I think you should do. Pull your horns in, regroup, then come out swinging.

Good luck.

~~
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Here’s a story about my double Aquarius friend, Kay. Actually, it’s about her mother who was a pure marvel.

Kay’s mother was a Scorpio. She lived out of state and I never had the opportunity to meet her, but I saw her fine hand all over the place. She shored up my friend in the most magical ways. She was awesome and I don’t use that word often.

For example, Kay had a lot of cool stuff at her house. She was a trash-picker, like so many Aquarians are. She had a Libra Moon, and a beautifully decorated house because of it. Stuff from dumpsters mixed with antiques, back when this was cutting edge.

Every once in awhile, I would see something really striking and ask where she got it. A trinket, a book, or some figure or a piece of fabric. Whatever. Invariably she would tell me her mother sent it, and there would always be a story.

The woman had a knack for finding objects so tailored to her daughter that it was jaw-dropping. Compare this to a mother who buys something she wishes her daughter liked. Or thinks she should like. Ugh. The things this woman sent her daughter were so uniquely her, a friend like me could spot it in an instant, and know it could never belong to anyone but her.

The stories varied. Once, regarding a doll…

“My mother bought that for me when I was eleven, but she waited fifteen years to give it to me…”

The thing would have been to China and back, and steeped in meaning, of course.

“My mother saw that, and it made her think of something I said four years ago, so she bought it!”

“Yeah?”

“She said it was good, but not good enough for me,” she smiled. “So she had to add some red to the hair, to make it right. So she did it! And now it’s just right!” she beamed. “It’s supposed to look like me and I think it does!” she said happily, with a huge smile. “My mother is so cool…”

She turned the doll to face me and the expression on its face was a dead ringer for one I’d seen cross Kay’s face a thousand times. I just shook my head. Kay and the doll had the same energy, and it was obvious this was a mother who loved and cherished her children as individuals. There were other daughters who were also provided with things just right.

So one day we were on a plane going to Las Vegas. Kay was a little nervous about air travel. I had never been in a plane with someone afraid to fly before, so I don’t think I was much help. Fear of flying was just not in my reality at the time, but in hindsight I can see she was really very frightened.

Ten minutes into the flight, her panic began to rise. She started talking kind of fast. It was almost like her stomach was going off. Excuse me, but it as if her panic was rising like vomit.

“Oh no. I’m kind of afraid. Darn it. I didn’t want to do this. I don’t want to be afraid. We’ll make it though,” she said.

I looked over at her like she was nuts. “Huh? Of course we’re going to make it,” I said.

“Well, this is pretty scary. This doesn’t scare you?”

“No,” I laughed. “Are you really scared?”

“Yes. No. I mean no. I’m not scared. My mother is here.”

“Huh?”

“She’s here. She’s holding up the plane, with her hands.”

“Huh?”

“I talked to her last night. She knows we’re flying today. She knows we’re flying, right now. My mother knows. She told me not to worry, because she would hold the plane up with her hands and guide it through the air. She’s also going to make sure that we land safely and as gently as possible.”

I’d never heard anything like this is my life. Kay looked like she might cry. And that would have been a first. But I was the one who cried. I was the one who bawled. She kept talking:

“I’m sure we won’t crash. My mother wouldn’t let this plane drop. No way is she going to do that. She said she would stay with us the whole way.” She turned to look at me, with a smile on. “So there. So how about I just relax and enjoy this ride? I’m just going to shut up and let my mother do her thing.”

She exhaled, and this is when I knew that she has the coolest mother on the planet. I always figured that anyway.

“Well, it is a smooth ride,” I said.

She punched me in the arm. “What do you expect? It’s my mother, doin’ it. She really loves me.”

I reclined my seat and felt her mother’s hands under the plane. It was nice. Real nice.

I didn’t have any children at the time, but I wanted them. And this is when I promised myself if I were ever fortunate enough to have them, I would always hold their planes up.

The End

~~
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