19
Clueless Friend: Pisces and Virgo
Hi Elsa,
I’ve been friends with this man for five years. We parted ways at one time for about ten months, due to there being too much tension and bickering between us. He apologized to me and we renewed our friendship
Although now he puts more effort into the friendship, sometimes he still does things that are clueless. I would like to know if the friendship will work out in the long term, or if this is just another dead end.
Wondering
Dear Wondering,
What do you mean another dead end? Your friendship with this man did not end up dead. He went in one direction for awhile, while you went in another. And this is very normal in long term friendships.
If you doubt that, just look at nature. Have you ever seen two streams running alongside each other in a straight line, forever and ever? True friendship is an organic thing. Two people cannot maintain the exact level of interaction and intimacy over the period of a week, never mind a year, or a decade.
So here’s what I think. I think you have a friend that is sometimes clueless. And I think you have lots of Pisces and lots of Virgo, so you’re going forgive him every time he asks you to! This will be in spite of your concern over investing in a relationship that may not be permanent. Know why?
Because it’s your nature. And you are perfectly fine, the way you are.
Good luck.
~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!
18
Rage and Anger Management - Mars Square The Sun And Moon
Dear Elsa.
I feel I can’t handle my emotions. I am known to be rather reserved, laid back and calm. But when I get mad, it’s like a switch in my head has been flicked on and I just explode. It’s like I can’t stop the anger that follows. I can’t think. It’s like a blackness that consumes me and doesn’t stop until the anger is out.
I have tried meditation and the like to no avail. Is there a way of harnessing this emotion… and using it constructively before it corrodes me?
Kind regards,
Electrifying
Dear Electrifying,
Yes, you have a profound challenge and I’m glad you wrote because I think I help.
Here’s the astrology: you have Mars (raw male energy) conjunct your ascendant and square both your Sun and Moon, and more. Basically, this means that you are a cocked and loaded gun.
I don’t doubt you have your calm periods, but think about it. There is a cocked and loaded gun, lying on the couch. ::laughs:: Does that sound safe? Not really. Just because it’s not going off at the moment, doesn’t mean it won’t a minute from now, right?
So here’s the deal: you are not going to be able to simply “meditate” your way out of this - although with your Pisces Sun in the 9th house (spiritual) that was a good shot. The problem is this approach is way too passive.
See, to work with your fury, you will have to incorporate MARS in this one way or the other. And Mars is violent! Sexual! Competitive! Basically you need to FIRE the gun! You need to pick a safe target and empty the chamber… pretty much every day. But how?
Well you’re going to have to get off the pillow or the couch, or whatever else you are sitting on and get your ass moving. Since you are inclined towards eastern things - martial arts comes to mind. Mars likes to fight! And believe me; you have the energy, the stamina and the focus it takes to master something like this.
So that’s my advice and if you take it - if you take up boxing or whatever, I guarantee you that you will an ass-kicking force of nature with no need whatsoever to harm passer-by. And one more thing.
Don’t forget sex! Have as much as you can, because you need the release. If you learn to discharge like this, you’ll be amazed how much easier you can get along. Good luck.
~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!
17
Trouble Bonding - Pluto Transit
Dear Elsa,
I’ve never been good at making friends. Although I have no enemies and many acquaintances, there are very few people to whom I feel close.
I never know whether I keep other people at arm’s length, or if they do it to me. Once every couple of years, I become romantically attached to someone who proves unattainable… and nearly always at the same time, someone develops a crush on me and when they get too close, I push them away.
I feel like this is a pattern I am stuck in, and if it goes on this way, I’ll end up alone. How can I break this pattern… and how can I teach myself to be more open to relationships of all kinds?
In your hands,
Water-bearing in Circles
Dear Circles,
I feel this is a pattern as well, but help is on the way in the form of a Pluto transit that is going to break this open for you - blow it sky-high and I will assist. Please brace yourself, because Pluto is sort of like surgery, sans anesthesia.
You’re an Aquarius, so you’ve got your detached side. You’re an Aries rising, so naturally independent. So far so good! Nice veneer, maaan. But what about the rest of this mess?
On the “getting close to people”, your Moon is conjunct Saturn and in five words, you are scared to death. You are completely terrified of emotion, and especially of being needy or dependent in any way. You know. Be a man! You must constantly contain yourself which has got to be bloody hard with the rest of your chart, which shows a person who is utterly porous.
So here’s what I’m thinking. Consider a family who is living well. That’s you. Except for one problem! In the back room, there is some horribly threatening monster they all try to deny. That right there is your life.
And common sense tells all of us that this is a dicey situation. It’s a dam that is going to break and in your case, it is going to break NOW. Thank God. Because you can’t live (well) like this.
So anyway, Pluto is going to station on your degree (26 mutable) February - May 2006, so you may as well start vomiting now. Puke it up, because it is in this direction that healing lies.
And if it were me, I would get a therapist. Because your natal Pluto is in the 7th house (relationships) and you could really benefit from a therapeutic relationship with someone who has some command.
Ideally, in that situation, you will learn to form a deep and trusting bond with another person and if you acquire this skill you will be well on your way to a more satisfying existence. Do it. Invest in yourself. Good luck.
~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!
16
Sudden Death Of A Lover: Pluto Transit to Virgo and Pisces
Hi Elsa,
In September 2001, my boyfriend died suddenly. We had lived together for nine years and had known each other for more than ten.
I cannot seem to move on with the romantic end of my life. I’ve done both grief counseling and support groups, but I’m not letting go. Our relationship wasn’t perfect by any means but…
I’ve met several nice guys, some of whom have become good friends over the past five years, but there’s nothing there - no spark, no sizzle, no nothing. It’s like I’ve gone dead inside. I need a swift kick in the tush - care to volunteer?
Sad
Dear Sad,
I am so sorry for you. I am even sorrier to have to tell you that you are going to have to go deeper, to get yourself clear. And I don’t for a minute think you’ve been slacking. I’m just telling you the way it is, and here’s the astrology:
You have eight planets in either Virgo or Pisces. That’s virtually your entire chart. This means when there is a transit in the sky that affects Virgo and Pisces, you are going to be immensely impacted, for good or ill… depending on the what planet is transiting. You can compare yourself to someone who has one planet in Virgo. They will be affected, but you’ll be hit by a truck.
Now in this case, the transiting planet is Pluto, which moves very, very slowly. Pluto takes 240 years to transit the zodiac - which means that once it’s on you, it’s on you and it ain’t quick!
You can think of Pluto in terms of alchemy…. where everything is thrown in a sealed container to boil, and boil, and boil. To boil alive, is what it feels like. And at the end of the boiling, what you get for your trouble is a gold nugget.
The entire process - all that power - is contained within this small object that is yours to keep. And having survived this leaves you empowered. You hold that in your hand - in your heart and there is a part of you that is now indestructible.
“Been to hell and back” is another other way to say it and there is little I can do but tell where you are in this process. You’re almost done. Relatively. Because you’ve been cooking for five years already. More than anyone should have to endure, by the way. And you’ve got one more to go. One more year before Pluto clears the last degree of your last planet in these signs and this will begin to clear out… for real.
So how to deal? I have a few suggestions. The support groups are fine. You need to communicate! But beyond that, with the emphasis on the 9th house in your chart, I would be looking towards the spiritual world for perspective. Could be organized religion. Could be a guru type you stumble on.
Me? I play my God songs and sing at the top of my lungs in the car. Van Morrison has some. Hank Williams! Could be something more conventional. It doesn’t matter. I am talking about connecting with something larger. Prayer, in any form.
Secondly, I don’t know what the deal is around your house when it comes to your dead lover, but paying some attention here can also help. Are you holding on to his stuff? Fine with me if you are, but how do you feel about that? Is it good for you? Think about it. Perhaps you can get rid of most of the stuff, keeping just a few special things to set on a shelf as a shrine to honor him.
Alternately, if you have completely purged him, perhaps this was a mistake. Maybe you can go out and find some objects that reek of him and find a place for them in your house. The point being, if he is still in your heart, then he is still in your heart and a real world representation of this might bring some peace.
Last, I highly suggest you cry. Cry and cry and cry and cry. Cry it out. Heave and cry and heave and heave and heave. And as the tears roll down your face, try to understand this is healing you. Feel the rhythm of your own sobs and allow it to soothe you. I think you understand.
You will be clear next year and you will make it through this one. Hang on, it’s downhill now.
Good luck and much love to you.
~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!
~~
pictured - Pluto, Agostino Carracci, 1557
14
Ambitious High Schooler
Dear Elsa,
This isn’t an easy question. My family moved from Thailand to the States when I was 8. As you could’ve guessed, we overstayed our visa for a better life. I’m now 18 and a senior in high school.
The hard question is: will I go to college? Will I have a chance? I’m set to pursuing careers in art, as I want to be an industrial designer. But art schools are $30,000 to $45,000 a year! And I refuse to go to a community college, for some reason. All my life I managed to better myself ambitiously, such as winning awards and maintaining good grades. So why settle?
But now I seem to have hit rock bottom, because I have no money and no financial aid to pursue a higher education. Being in this situation makes me feel lower than dirt. Sometime I am embarrassed and ashamed for my situation, but I just want to know if something will ever come out of my life. Or a direction to go to.
Please help. Thank you sincerely.
Crushed
Dear Crushed,
First, I admire your ambition and tenacity. With your kind of drive, I think success is a given and the hang up here is really just that. A hang up.
What’s up with your refusal to attend community college? It’s not rational is it?
I checked on this with a pal of mine, who is sort of a peer to you, but fifteen years older. I say “Peer” because like you, he is an immigrant who is driven. These are his comments:
“There’s nothing settling about going to community college. In fact, plenty of people do it now as a way to save money! They go to community college for two years, then transfer to a four-year school with their great grades. It’s the “in” thing to do… saves you oodles of money, and you still get the same great degree.”
So there you go. Whatever your hang-up about community college is - transcend it and get on with your life. Good luck.
~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!
13
Desperate Wife - Saturn Transit
Hello Elsa,
I’ve been married for 6 years now, although my marriage shouldn’t have lasted a year. Within the last six years, my husband has cheated, lied, and disrespected me. I really want to leave, but I can’t. Our three kids are all five years or younger, and my husband takes care of the kids while I work.
There have been so many times that I’ve told him that I will leave. He really just doesn’t care. I think that this is my fault, because I tell him I’ll leave and then never do it. I do love him and he does have his good side, but it is rare that we see it. I have done so many things for him that no other person will ever do for him. If I told you, I would be writing a book.
The only reason I’m still here is that I need him to take care of the kids while I go to work. Also - if I leave, I don’t have anywhere to go. I don’t know what to do. Every time we see each other we argue. I love him, but I just want to leave most of the time.
What should I do?
Signed,
Wife Desperately In Need of Advice
Dear Wife,
Are you sure that you love him? Are you sure you don’t mean, you pity him? Feel sorry for him because he’s pathetic?
And are you sure you’re not just saying that out of habit? Or because you think you should, considering you live with the son of a bitch? Because judging from you post, you don’t love him one iota! Not a drop! Not really.
With your Virgo and your Pisces, what you love is to sacrifice yourself. And then call it love. So here is my advice: first, get your head out of the clouds. You don’t love the lying, cheating bastard you’re supporting. Once you have that clear, it will occur to you: you have no choice but to get yourself and your kids out of this situation.
Doing this will be very hard. That it will be hard is a BLESSING. Because once you commit to this course of action, you will be very busy making phone calls… finding support for yourself and your children. Get it? You will not have time to waste on your husband. You will essentially be growing up. And if it sounds like I think all this is a foregone conclusion, I don’t.
You can live exactly as is until you die, if you like. You can train your children to believe this is all there is in life. But with Saturn in Leo transiting your first house, and your Sun Mercury conjunction, the universe begs you to clutch it up. It begs you to do whatever you need to do to undo what you did in error six years ago. And me? Well, I am part of the universe.
Good luck.
~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!
~~
pictured: Melancholy c. 1620, Domenico Feti, Oil on canvas, 168 x 128 cm
12
Saturn Return Angst
Dear Elsa
I am currently experiencing my Saturn return - a time to grow up, take responsibility, and make changes to get onto the right path, I think.
I am considering being trained in yoga so I can leave my administration job to work for myself as a yoga teacher. Do I have what it takes? And how do I know if this will make me happy?
Please help.
Unsure & Uncertain
Dear Unsure,
Yes, you’re right about the Saturn return. Around 28 -29 years old, people feel pressured to define themselves as adults, so your angsty feelings are very normal. That said, I can’t tell you what to do.
See, the entire point of the Saturn return is that you act on what is inside of you… what is authentic to you, rather than something that comes in from the outside. Ultimately these life decisions are yours to make.
But I can throw some light on your situation and offer my perspective. First, I do not think you should commit to anything when you feel unsure. I am not even sure this can be done. You know. Head off in the wrong direction, and you’ll stumble. There will be signs!
But being “scared” is not the same thing as being unsure! So this is what you want to look at. Are you avoiding because you are afraid? Or are you avoiding because you are not sure if the path is really the right one for you?
Now with Saturn opposing Neptune in the sky, clarity at the moment is going to be very hard to come by. So I would recommend you cut yourself some slack. You can’t figure something out, until you figure something out, can you?
Astrology promises this will clarify with a little more time. In spite of your fears, I have little doubt you will be on the right track by mid-year. Good luck.
~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!
Interested in a personal consultation? Click here for more info…
11
Real Relationship
Dear Elsa,
I recently made the decision to end a relationship with a man I haven’t seen for months. He’s been away on business and has grown less and less available to me. I decided that the New Year was a very appropriate time to end it, and on the evening I made the decision I was contacted online by someone I never knew existed. He and I chatted for hours and exchanged photos.
In the days that followed, we spent as much time as possible communicating with each other and getting to know one another. He lives cross country but admitted to me that he is more than willing to relocate for the right girl. He told me that if we were still communicating and liking each other in 30 days, he would make arrangements to fly here to meet me.
How can I be sure that I am not just grasping at straws here? I’m concerned that I’m on the rebound. But if this new man is what it takes to get over last one, I feel like that isn’t such a bad thing?
Sign me,
Confused
Dear Confused,
Sorry, but the idea you are “grasping at straws” is a given. Let’s just look at the facts here. You ended a “relationship” with a man you had not seen in months. Now you think you need to ‘recover” from it? And further, you think some random guy across the country is going to assist you with this?
Well, excuse me, but hold the fuckin’ phone! REWIND!
Number one, it is not a relationship if you are the only one in it… and you are the only one in it when the man disappears ‘for months”.
Secondly, since there is no actual relationship lost, there is nothing to ‘recover” from.
You are obviously desperate to be in a relationship, and on this front I don’t blame you. But I don’t think you have any chance at all of establishing and maintaining a successful partnership, unless you care to look HARD at your tendencies here.
For example, you are obviously unable to discern what is and what is not an actual relationship with potential. And you need help for this! Professional help! Not an email, a picture, and a (qualified) promise from some guy in Topeka!
Look, I am not trying to be mean. I am trying to help you. And you are clinging to these utterly unavailable men… apparently auditioning for them, and it’s just plain sick. The best thing you could do is take the money and the energy you are spending on these random guys, and invest in a therapist. Because the road you’re on leads nowhere.
Good luck.
~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!
Interested in a personal consultation? Click here for more info…
10
Horrible Mean Bitch Friend - Moon Conjunct Pluto In The 8th House
Dear Elsa,
I have a very big problem with my best girlfriend of over a decade. To be blunt, the problem is her meanness. She is a person who, on a regular basis, says extremely nasty and hurtful things to me and the rest of our mutual friends.
I don’t mean to make her sound so atrocious, but I can’t seem to help it. My husband and most of my friends do not like her at all, since she has something nasty to say about everyone and everything. Now I know it may be hard to believe, but I still love her. we have A LOT of history, and she hasn’t always been a bad friend.
I am afraid of many things if I decide to cut her out of my life. I’m afraid of losing a part of my teenage years that I hold very special, I’m afraid of losing her rare moments of understanding, I’m afraid of losing my best friend. Unfortunately, the fact is, in many ways, I have already lost her. I can’t tell her my secrets; she blabs. I can’t share my triumphs; she accuses me of conceit. I can’t share my difficulties; she’s rarely supportive.
I’m a Cancer - a water and moon baby - and if you haven’t already guessed, I’m a very sensitive, compassionate, “love, light, and fairy dust” kind of girl. I consider my friends to be my family. Cutting her from my life would be sad, painful and difficult - and I don’t usually just give up on those that I love.
I’m torn. What should I do?
Torn
Dear Torn,
I believe you believe your story and I’d believe it too… if you didn’t have a big fat Moon Pluto conjunction in the eighth house! Since you do, I think this situation has a much deeper root… er… roots. See, you’re a Cancer and I will buy the Moon baby bit and the associations with “family”. I will also buy the “fairy dust” part, considering you’re a Pisces rising.
What I won’t buy is the idea you have no shadow! So this horrible bitch (and it certainly sounds like she is one)… she is in your life for a reason. A reason besides your sweetness, I mean. So what might that be?
I think she’s there to carry your shadow, for starters. Think about it. As long as you keep this severely disturbed woman in your life… well just look how normal you are in comparison? Look how loving you are! How clean! So what do you think would happen if you cut her out?
Well, I’ll tell you what I think. I think you’d go find yourself a “replacement bitch” just as fast as you possibly could. Because otherwise, look out! You’d be forced to face the mean bitch inside of you. The negative emotion inside of you. Your own chaos…
So here’s my advice: Stand in front of a mirror and ask yourself what you have in common with this gal. I think you may be alarmed at the answer to that question. And it is in this direction that healing lies. Good luck.
~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!
Interested in a personal consultation? Click here for more info…
9
In A Slump - Saturn Moon Conjunction
Hi Elsa,
My boyfriend and I are kind of in a slump.
He’s going through a divorce right now. We’re living together, but he’s pulling away - either due to depression or just mental chaos over his divorce. I’ve become more needy as he’s pulled away.
I know my needs are important but I also know men can be like children in so many ways… and that most of the time, it’s up to the woman to keep things going. I have two questions. What can I tell myself so I can be more supportive of him? And will this slump end?
Girlfriend in a Slump
Dear Girlfriend,
I don’t agree that men are child-like. I also don’t agree that it’s a woman’s job to maintain the relationship. Just for the record! I think these views are personal to you, with your Cancer moon (mothering) conjunct Saturn (responsible / burden) and your packed 7th house (immense desire to be in a relationship).
Most woman wouldn’t take this guy on in the first place… considering that he’s still married! Now I’m sorry, but I don’t think your slump with this guy will ever end. Let’s see. You got in a relationship with him, before he’d ended an existing one. Before he’d suffered any kind of void, where he might have had the chance to examine things and learn something.
Can you see you’re mothering him? You don’t have a partner here, you have a dependent. Anyone carrying this kind of burden is going to be slumped!
As for your first question, “What can I tell yourself so I can be more supportive?” I think it’s the wrong question to be asking. Here are some better questions:
- Why am I supporting a man who is not supporting me?
- Why did I get in a relationship with a married man?
- Why did I move in with a married man?
- Am I depressed? (I think you are)
- Why am I more worried about this man than I am about myself?
Good luck.
~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!
Interested in a personal consultation? Click here for more info…
~~
Pictured - Motherhood, Buz Tafoya, 2005, Oil on canvas
Get A Consultation
I'm available for consultations! You can schedule a consultation by phone or a consultation by email. You can also read what clients have to say about my consultations. Thanks, I look forward to working with you. :) - Elsa P
More
Recent Blog Comments
- omie: oh yes! I notice.I would miss you very much!...
- Lesia: I would be very disappointed. I'm just getting to know you, ...
- Lupa: Most definitely. You are the driving force here and it defi...
- opal: Elsa, this and the Saturn Pluto post are, I think, the most ...
- lindsey: great song...hope we all find the ace in the dark......
- grrr: Oaw. THANKS. Words of wisdom. really needed to hear that. ...
- Ambidee: Great video!...
Recent Board Posts
