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Fighting Sober - Dry Drunk
Dear Elsa,
My husband and I used to drink a lot. Sometimes things would turn violent. We quit drinking to save the relationship. Things are usually good now, but he still has a temper.
The last fight we had was really bad, and for the first time since we quit drinking he actually went after me. He did not hurt me or anything, and was almost immediately apologetic. I am ready to leave if it happens one more time, but also worried that I will not have the courage. He is usually sweet and calm, but sometimes little things just set him off. I love him, but I don’t want to deal with that.
Please give me some advice.
Sober Wife
Dear Wife,
Well he did hurt you on some level, or you wouldn’t be writing to me. I think you should get this clear, but it does not mean you have to run out and leave him tomorrow.
Quitting drinking is a very big deal. It’s a huge accomplishment and the fact you did this together speaks volumes. So now you’re sober, and the next step reveals itself and really, this is very normal. It’s progress!
So you know how you quit drinking, right? You had to overcome the denial there was a problem… and then decide to commit to solving it. And you did it!
So now your man is a dry drunk. His temper, like his drinking, is a problem that needs to be addressed. Well guess what? You know how to solve problems and so does he. If you could address the drinking that was destroying your relationship, you can surely tackle this. But no more denial, okay? It does hurt, and it has to stop.
Good luck.
~~
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