Dear Venus in Aries,

Well you’re not that bashful, are you? Sounds like you asserted yourself, just fine. If you’re asking me, I’d let him go. I think like the singer Taj Mahal, “Many Fish Bite if you’ve got Good Bait”! And I also think, “If you work to get him, you’ll work to keep him”. However, I’m not you.

I don’t have Venus in Aries, which likes to hunt and enjoys a challenge. So you may as well send a wink. The guy is a double Aquarius… he can be nothing but impressed with a woman who breaks the rules.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Desperate,

No, I don’t think you’re a whiner. Your husband may want this or that, but your need to serve is authentic. He is simply going to have to come to terms with this.

Now we know what he wants… but I’m not sure how much effort you have put into communicating your dissatisfaction with the status quo. Have you hinted at this, or yelled from the rooftops? Is he censoring you, or are you censoring yourself? Did he say you were a whiner, or did you say you are a whiner?

You didn’t send his birth data, so I have no idea what his story is. But here’s my advice. First, stop the debate your head. You know exactly what you want. You want to go out in the world at large and help others. And I’m thinking if you get that idea firmed up in your head, you will be able to talk to your husband in a way that is clear and compelling.

Now regarding his control issues: it does sound as if you live in a prison. But does he keep you there, or do you keep yourself there? Have you told him how the money thing makes you feel?

Because you sound super-passive in this and that is what is going to have to change. I just can’t tell if he is dictating everything and forcing you to comply… or he is dictating everything and you are complying, while quietly resenting…

Talk to your husband. Good luck.

~~
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Dear Confused,

I think you should move on and I think you should do this immediately. Never mind if you are the right one for him. He is not the right one for you.

Look, he doesn’t want what you want. Whatever he might have said at one time, he’s not saying it now. What he’s saying up there is, “I want to be able to call you if I get lonely or horny but don’t expect shit from me in return because I am confused, non committal, not that into you, in love with my ex-girlfriend, etc.”

I’m sorry. I say, cut your losses. Because a year is a long time to spend with someone to no end. That’s a large investment to be holding nothing and this what I think you have with this man. Nothing. He’s not your man and to be very candid, I don’t even think he’s your friend. Because friends don’t use each other like this.

I’m sorry. Cry your tears, then fish another line. Good luck.
~~
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pictured - Edgar Degas. Melancholy. c. 1874. Oil on canvas. Phillips Collection, Washington, DC, USA.

Dear Stuck,

You are asking me to tell you if you should settle… and I can’t do that.

I can try to help you though. If you read through your post, you might notice you sound supremely powerless. I think if you can address this, everything will improve.

For example, this man is not giving you want you want. Your response is whiny. “I’m not getting what I want, I don’t know how to get what I want, I may never get what I want…”

And I’m not trying to be bitchy with you. I just want to point out that if this is the position you are going to take in your life, I would not be looking for any miracles to occur.

But on the upside, there are any number of ways to change this. In fact, I think you can do almost any thing under the sun (as long as it’s legal), and be better off than where you are now.But you have to be willing to get out of this little box where you live.

First, there is your fear. Face it, or suffer every day for the rest of your life. You’re too old to make a mistake? What are you, ninety? You’re in your twenties, for godsakes.

You may not find a man better suited to you? Out of how many millions on this planet and there is not one for you?? Ever? Never again? COME ON.

Finally, you don’t exactly sound proactive. You want this and you want that, and you are not getting them. Are you asking for any of these things? And even more importantly, are you providing them? Because it doesn’t seem you are.

Fact is you don’t love this guy ‘fiercely”. So why would he love you in this fashion? If you want a passionate love… go find one!!! This is not what you have with this man. You are with him, getting what you get, because you are afraid to assert yourself. So the real question is not about this guy. It’s about you and how you want to be in this world.

Would you like to be a dissatisfied person afraid to do anything about it? Or would you like to be a person who lives out loud? Cause here’s a little tip. People are rarely passionate for people who lack passion.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Aries,

Are you prone to depression? Yes. Is your life subject to intense upheaval? Yes. Is this ever going to evaporate? No.

And I’m sorry, because I believe you are a good person. But as you’ve noticed, you’ve been dealt these cards. And you’ve got to play them in the most inspired way you can - as opposed to waiting for a different hand to be dealt when it’s never going to happen.

I have some tips. First: in spite of having your Sun in Aries, you are primarily Virgo and Pisces. This means you must serve or suffer. And I’m talkin’ on a daily basis. If you accept this as your mission, I think you will find support. From the universe in various forms, but also a solid feeling inside that you can only get via fulfilling your destiny.

And perhaps it will look like this: you help people, help people, help people, and then WHOOPS! A bomb goes off, so you stop to mop up. Because in your life, this happens, doesn’t it?

So imagine you’re a solider. That’s good for Aries! And you have to do your job with the occasional round going off. Well, you know what? If you feel you’re needed and your job is important, you will transcend the gunfire. It’ll just be part of the deal. The problem arises when you tell yourself you can’t work with all the bombs going off. Because you can. You must.

And regarding this very challenging chart - your Mercury, (writing, communication) is very well aspected. It’s BOMB. ::smiles at the Aries joke:: It’s spectacular, so I think you should exploit this.

I like your writing. You ought to do more of it. You can probably get published.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Venus,

Congratulations! You’ve found a man with enough appeal to put you in your un-comfort zone… which is exactly what you need. It was fine to be “independent mother who attracts and rejects men”. But luckily for you, that gig is up because now you get to grow.

You have Venus in Scorpio in the Eighth house (Scorpio’s house). For you, love is deep. In the best of cases, it triggers and transforms you. But there are no tricks. You will not get through this with your mind. And try to rejoice, okay? Because fact is, you’re a meat eater.

By that I mean you don’t want lite yogurt for a man. You want someone to engage you. You want someone to access you on a deep level, just like this. How else to release your demons?

He’s triggering you, see. And thank goodness. Because there is all kinds of gunk in there. In your psyche, and in your soul… and it wants loose. If I were you, I would want it loose too - because all kinds of personal power you can’t access right now is tied up with it.

So here’s my advice. Stay uncomfortable. Writhe around. Get a therapist if you want, but do not, not, not act out. Instead force yourself to go deeper. You need to go deeper than your last relationship. Much deeper. You want to think back to when your were a little girl. What happened between your parents? And between you and then. Because although there may be a tie to your last relationship, that’s not the root. And you want the root. Think “excavation”. Because finding the root, pulling it, and holding it to the light will empower you beyond your wildest dreams.

And after that? After that, he will trigger you again. And again. And again. Let him. Because he sounds like a stand-up guy and via his energy you will grow… and glow, like you never have before.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Adrift,

Yes, I have suggestions. You are very intuitive and focused. I love the certainty in your post. I don’t think you would feel this way and express the way you did, if you had not thoroughly thought this through… and felt it through for that matter. I imagine you saw an open window and jumped…THUD.

And now to your shock, you’re free. And it’s your Virgo going off right now. You have a Virgo Moon and Mars which is definitely prone to worry, which is a total waste of time.

So I’m going to fight Virgo with Virgo. I am going to appeal to your intellect so you can get out of this tizzy and hopefully avoid copious amounts of grief in the future. I got this from Gavin DeBecker’s book, “The Gift Of Fear” by the way.

He suggests you learn to distinguish between fear and worry. Fear is due a legitimate problem, where worry is “manufactured fear”. Get it? Nothing is happening. There is no immediate threat, but you are getting yourself all hopped up anyway. Total waste of resources, yes? And Virgo hates waste, so I know you hear me.

You are much better off to focus on your strengths, which are numerous and pronounced. And accept the fact, that whatever happens, you’ll likely to be able to deal with it… and probably fairly easily too!

I don’t think you’re reckless. And if you can manage to take the ‘worry” out of this equation, the next steps will appear and you will have more than enough resources to take them.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Scorpio,

You’re going to have to quit, don’t you think? For one thing, you don’t want the job they’re offering. And I hate to encourage anyone to feel like a victim, but it does seem the new boss wants you OUT. And he’s not communicating very well himself, unless you favor passive-aggressive bullshit, which I do not.

He won’t be specific about what you’ve done wrong, or give you an opportunity to make amends. He also won’t fire you. Instead he humiliates you… and you get the idea.

Now I’d be pissed if I were you, but if you feed this, it won’t serve you. I’d suggest you rise above it. Take this as a sign from the universe, that there is a better position for you out there.

Astrology supports this viewpoint. With Saturn conjunct your Sun, I know you’re conservative and somewhat frightened. But Jupiter has just entered Scorpio and you’ve got half your chart in the sign. Jupiter brings opportunity and a good amount of luck if well aspected in the natal chart, as yours is. Bottom line, it’s a very good time to take a gamble… and a very bad time to stay locked in a painful cage.

And I think you’d be good right there, but if you want to be ultra-classy: on your way out the door, you can ask your boss for specific information around what he thinks your communication problem is. Keep a cool head and listen to him carefully for anything that may be valuable… which he may or may not provide. Then thank him for his time and walk out with your head up, heading toward your future.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Roommate,

It sounds like she wants you to take responsibility for her, and this is a boundary issue for the most part. You need to define the line between you and her - and I don’t mean you have to lack compassion.

You can listen to her tale of woe, but respond in this sort of way:

“Yeah, that’s too bad. But at least you know what’s wrong. This way you can fix it…”

Get it? You’re not her keeper!!!

And as for the “truth”… I don’t think anyone should be telling another person what their “truth” is unless they ask. But if they ask, then it’s fair game!

“Do you think I belong here?”

“Hell no!”

And can you see this is another boundary issue?

That’s what I’d like you to take from this. Draw some lines with this girl and once you do, stay on your side. She will make it or break it soon enough and this is not your problem. Your problem is that you make other people’s problems your problem and luckily, this is very easy to fix.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Double Cancer,

What a sad situation. On the compatibility, I always say, “If you have to ask…” After eight years, surely you know what works and what doesn’t in your relationship.

But I’m not sure you or I should pass judgment around whether or not you should have married your husband. The fact is that you did. And you have kids. And you are obviously unhappy.

Now astrologically, at 28 years old, you are coming to your “Saturn Return”. Literally, this refers to a celestial event. Saturn has roughly a 28 ‚