Elsa,

I’m having a lot of trouble with my roommate. She is one of my good friends, and I know that often spells trouble. It’s not that she’s particularly hard to live with, I just think I never really got to KNOW her before.

We’re at a very demanding school and she is enrolled in two demanding majors- Engineering and Music. She has a lot of trouble motivating herself and getting her work done. She comes from a very traditional Chinese family and has always had lots of pressure to do well- but now that pressure is across the country and she hints that she wants ME to motivate her.

I’m not comfortable with that. I believe that motivation HAS to come from within. I’m not going to be her motivator. And it takes a lot for me to say this, but from what I see, she can’t handle it here, at least not in her major.

I think she wants to leave, except for one thing- she’s enmeshed in the social life here. She’s in band, she has friends in our dorm. She will cling for dear life to keep from having to leave that, but she doesn’t seem to want to put in the extra effort in her schoolwork to keep herself here.

I’m at a loss. I can’t deal with all this at once. I can deal with a few problems here and there, but she acts like her life is ALL problems, and I’m not so sure she’s wrong. I want to tell her the truth, from an outsider point of view.

How do I help her realize that she’d be happier somewhere else?

Resentful Roommate