Dear Unhappy,

I feel for you. What you have here is a complex problem and you’re right. This guy is irrelevant. By that I mean, your struggles are internal and he’s just standing there. And it won’t matter if he stands there, stands on one foot, or stands on his head, you are going to suffer like this until you take some action which is fairly dynamic.

Now this is not a forum where I can analyze your situation in depth, but I can isolate what I think is causing you the most grief and perhaps offer you a some direction.

Mercury in your chart is highly, HIGHLY stressed. Mercury rules the mind and look at you. You’re thinking is hideous. Hideous meaning it’s creating all this chaos and pain for you. In a way, you’re too damned smart, you know? You want to think your thoughts but you’re hindered (Saturn) and tortured (Pluto) and not only that, there are too many of them (Jupiter)!

So this is where I would start to try to effect some relief. You need to get a handle on your mind. You will have to learn to control it to some extent… get it working for you. I would recommend you get a therapist. TALK therapy, not a drug. Because your mind…well it’s one hell of an instrument you’ve got there, if you can just learn to play it.

So see if you can do this. Slow yourself down and think about your thinking. Not what you think, but how you think. And why you think the way you do. Because your chart suggests a formidable intellect, if you can just tame that fucker.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Cheated,

I have one question for you: do you love this man? Because you don’t really sound like you do. You sound pissed and you sound disgusted. You sound as if your pride is hurt, but you do not sound as if you especially love this guy.

Should you try make it work? Well, sure. If you love him, then absolutely. I surely don’t approve of cheating, but what’s done is done and it sounds like he’s doing everything he possibly can to make amends and win back your trust.

But I think the issue is deeper, don’t you? It sounds as if you met this man when you were utterly vulnerable. You were pregnant for chrissakes! So now you’re signed up and then he goes and pulls this shit!!!!

I think you have a lot conflicting feelings here. Your Cancer Sun is concerned with security and the welfare of your daughter. It wants to control things. The Leo in your chart… well part of you is a Queen! And who the hell does this bastard think he is cheating on you! On royalty!

Another side of you is very detached. So he cheated? Big deal! All it means is payback is fair game, and your Gemini Moon may even think this whole thing is at least a tad interesting. Hey, at least you’re not bored!

But I’ll tell you what it comes down to: DO YOU LOVE HIM? If you love him, than work through it. If not, than get the hell out of there. You can arrange and allow visitation between this man and your daughter, if it feels right. Do what you have to do. But don’t stay with this man if you don’t love him. All three of you deserve better.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Unsatisfied,

Yeah, no. I’m sorry. I wish I had something wise to say, or there was some miracle on deck, but no. I don’t think the cavalry is going to save you on this. Is this guy going to spring up like a cheetah and become a five alarm fire? He’s not. Are you going to cool down and learn to live without sex? I hope not. Because you have some serious Marsy energy, and it needs an outlet. Just how pissed off are you, right now? How frustrated?

You know all this of course, and in fact I think you’re already grieving the loss of relationship. Do you know the steps in the grieving process? One of them is deal-making, and this is what you’re trying to do with the “open relationship” idea. You’re trying to strike a deal so you don’t have to do what ultimately will be inevitable - break up the relationship, because it just doesn’t work.

But you’ve learned something here. The next time you go out hunting (and you do HUNT men), understand you are randy as a pony and bring home a very horny man that complements. Get it? Don’t settle.

Good luck.

~~
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I heard once that people showed you their stuff within the first five minutes. The claim was if you paid attention, you could determine the entire course of an interaction in the first few moments of meeting someone.

I had tested this theory many years prior and found it quite valid. So after various trial and error, in the end I put it all together. I realized I could name a man’s Mars sign based on the first one of two things he said to me.

So what does Mars say?

First thing out of a man when they’re after you:

“I have a big important job with status.” - Mars in Capricorn (I can provide security.)

“I travel all the time, know the best places to go, have a lot of fun…”- Mars in Sagittarius. (I can provide adventure.)

“You look like you need…” Mars in Cancer (I can meet your needs.)

“Nice gold jacket…” Mars in Leo (I am a King, you are a Queen. We would look really good together.)

Etc. through the signs…

No kidding. It was this simple.

See, if a man is hunting, he’s going to use his Mars. Not only that, Mars is Aries ruled. Aries is the first sign, the fast sign, so guess what shows up first?

::smiles smugly::

~~
Want to suggest a topic for Sunday Blathering? -> Do it!

~~
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It’s amusing to me, I learned to guess a man’s Mars sign while out looking for sperm. I have already copped to having done this and so no one should be shocked. This was a dozen years ago.

I had met a Capricorn who told me that I was “nothing but a mother looking for kids”. I decided he was correct, so I went out to hunt a mate. Mars, being the male principal, is obviously is related to sperm and so you can see how this is notable. Marsy stuff, everywhere you look.

I kept trying to guess the Sun sign and failing… and trying and failing… and one day I noticed I could often (too often) guess the Mars sign. I was in a bar, see. I was going to the bar night after night, drinking my OJ and soda and guessing this stuff.

So understanding astrology the way I did, I decided I may be guessing the Mars sign of the men who approached me because they were in fact - on the prowl. They were trying to pick me up and Mars in a chart shows how you get what you want. Cool! I had a thesis, so I started experimenting.

I had already noted I could put on specific pieces of clothing and attract various Sun signs by the way, so I guess this could be considered advanced research - heh.

For example, I used to have this gold jacket. I loved it, but I had to quit wearing because it only appealed to gay men and Gemini’s… which was not the sperm I was looking for!

Anyway, I thought I was so smart to figure out this Mars thing. I was really thrilled at the time and apparently I still get a zing out of telling this story.

Tomorrow I will reveal my findings.

skip to part three…

If you’re an astrologer and willing to admit it publicly, invariably you will be asked to guess people’s Sun signs. In a party setting I mean. This is exceedingly difficult to do. Legend has it that one renowned astrologer used to agree to guess, on the condition the person answer one question.

The question?

“When is your birthday?”

Anyway, this is very hard to do for many reasons but I decided some years ago to see if I could master it. I was determined, and I tried everything. I listened intently to what was said to me. Not just the content, but the delivery. The tone, the speed of the speech, the inflection. I noted a person’s appearance, both physical and how the self was presented. I noted the environment.

Basically I took it all in and what I found was that I could not, could not, could not, could not, guess anyone’s Sun sign.

Now some would say it’s easier to guess a person’s rising sign than their sun since the rising sign shows your physical appearance as well as how you extend yourself. Your first handshake. Problem is most people don’t know their birth times, never mind their rising signs.

Even if they did, a planet conjunct the ascendant modifies it dramatically, and the worst problem for me specifically, is that I’m not a visual person. Obviously, this is an acute handicap in this situation.

So anyway, I thought this was a dismal performance. Not just for me, but for astrology in general and I didn’t like that, so I kept trying, and trying and trying and trying and then EUREKA! A pattern emerged.

I found I could name a man’s Mars sign and I when I figured out why and perfected the technique I achieved nearly 100% accuracy.

Boy did this please me. I was giddy, I had cracked a code!

skip to part two…

Dear Dissatisfied,

You’re outgrowing some of your friends and I know, this sucks. If you don’t keep the friends you have, then what are you going to do for friends?

Well, I’ll tell you. You’re going to get new friends. Friends who fit a different sort of criteria and I have a story to illustrate. I once knew a man with a large group of friends. They were wild and drunk all the time. For example, once he was in Mexico and one of the pals broke his arm being an ass. Know what they did? They splinted his broken arm with a Playboy magazine and just kept on drinking!

Funny, right? Well it was funny until one day he woke up, looked around, and thought, “I’m getting too old for this shit.”

This is what is happening to you. With Saturn transiting your 11th house (friendship), you’re maturing beyond your friends. Your new friends will be Saturn-like. That means that they will support you - or teach you, which is the same thing. You will find friends who are wise, and who force you to grow. You’ll end up with fewer friendships, but they will be relationships worth investing in.

So this is what is happening to you. You want a new situation when it comes to your friends. And you’re going to get it.

Good luck!
~~
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Dear Wondering,

I don’t think it matters one way or the other. Have you seen your chart? Your entire chart is one big huge Grand Trine, and you’re going to be fine no matter what.

Look. Is he going to be your man? Hell no. I seriously doubt it. But does he love you? Sure! Does he like you? Yes! Do you guys have fun bickering? Obviously.

So is there a problem here? I don’t think so. Are you going to be devastated when it finally dawns on you that this man is never ever going to be your man? I don’t think so. Are you going to get mad at each other and never speak again? I don’t think so.

And I don’t think it matters if you live together or not. If you want to, then do it. If you don’t then don’t. I don’t think it’s not going to change anything.

And as for my opinion, or my advice, well, I think you’re like siblings. He sounds like a great brother. I think you’ve got a brother/sister thing going and you can have it for the rest of your lives if you wish. And that’s what I would do.

Good Luck.

~~
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Dear Frustrated,

How about a story? There’s a woman out there, and she’s married to a man. He’s a respectable man and everyone tells her, “You must be very happy.”

But she’s not. She’s completely unfulfilled… and has been for eight years!

So what do you think? She sees some other men out there, who look pretty fetching. Should she pursue one of them, or should she try to be happy with the man she’s got?

I think she’s probably got a pretty good man… who is no good for her. I think eight years is a significant trial. I don’t think a person should have to “try” to be happy. And I bet you agree.

So you know what this comes down to? It comes down to the word “risk” in your post. You are afraid.

It’s not your Gemini, hon. It’s your Capricorn Moon. You have security fears. You like the status of your degreed position. What you’re going to do about that is up to you. But calling yourself “fickle” won’t help.

And when it comes to Capricorn… well Capricorn at it’s best acts with integrity. The inside of you does not match the outside image and… you can figure out the rest.

Good luck.
~~
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Dear Aware,

I don’t know. Were you hired for your opinion? It doesn’t sound like it. Did someone ask your opinion? Doesn’t sound like it. Consequently, I think you are quite right to think twice before offering it.

And from there I would say if you have to ask… if you have to ask and the answer is not “hell yes”, then the answer is “hell no”. And just for your edification, you might appreciate knowing how this shows up in your chart - so I’ll tell you.

Your Mercury (communication) is trine Mars, so you like to assert yourself intellectually. I’m not criticizing. I have Mars with Mercury and like to do the same.

But you also have Pluto opposite Mercury, which shows an affinity for disrupting things with your mouth. Er… you’re the guy who sees the pile of dynamite, and decides to light it. So just be conscious of that, okay? Know your motive. What are trying to do when you speak up? Heal or kill?

That right there is the question.

Good luck.

~~
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pictured - Hendrick Goltzius, Mercury, 1611, Oil on panel, Frans Halsmuseum, Haarlem, Netherlands