Dear Crazy,

It sounds like you’ve done everything possible to salvage this friendship. I understand your concern for your friends as a whole, but fact is, you can not stop life from unfolding. Things always progress, and it might help if you look at it this way.

You used to be able to stand her, right? But not any more. You can no longer stand her and I suggest you come right out and tell everyone. And you don’t have to explain why. In fact, it’s probably better if you don’t, because what’s your goal here? It’s not to ruin her. It’s to get yourself free of her energy. So go ahead do that, and let the chips fall.

For the record, I’ve been on both sides of this situation, and with the same friend. I’ll tell you the story, so you can see how this can come out just fine.

A few years ago, I had a friend. Because she was my friend, another friend extended himself to her. But over time, he discovered he really didn’t like the gal very much. So now what?

Well I don’t know how much he struggled, but eventually he called me up and just told me straight out. He said he respected my friendship and positive feelings about this gal, but he had serious problems with her. He outlined them briefly, and then said he was going to cut the rope on her. I told him, “Okay.”

Now it didn’t matter to me if he didn’t like her. I did like her! I told him I knew she had these flaws, but I liked her anyway and you get the idea. We are individuals!

So a year passed and I found myself on the other side of this equation. This time it was his friend who I deplored. And I didn’t handle it nearly as well as he did. I was more like you. I went forever trying to stomach his friend. But finally I hit my melting point. It was like a matter of survival. I felt if I had to be in a room with this gal even one more time, I would die. So I told them - both of them.

I told her to go far away and I didn’t bother to elaborate. Much like your friend, she didn’t listen to me anyway… so why waste the time?

Aftewards I told him, “I just told your friend to kiss my ass.” I said I really hoped it didn’t impact our friendship, but I had hit the end of my tether. And you know what he said?

“Okay. No problem, Elsa.”

So do you see the way out? Keep it clean and keep it simple. People will shift, but that’s what happens. Life is dynamic and sometimes YOU are the person who initiates the change.

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