Dear Wondering,

I think it’s your problem. And that doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re well meaning. It sounds like you have two kids “on track” and you don’t want this one left behind. That’s a fine sentiment, but come on. He’s eight and he hasn’t found his niche? BIG DEAL!

Personally, I’d back off. This is one deep kid, for starters. He’s a dreamer, but with an edge. He’s an individual and by pushing him, you’re setting up a power struggle that I don’t think you’ll win.

For example, check my two kids. My daughter is a virtual clone of me. She likes to travel, craves variety of experience, and has an ascetic streak a mile wide. We both like to lie flat on a board. This relaxes us.

In contrast, my son likes to stay home. He spreads a layer of pillows across the couch so he can lie on top of them all, and he covets possessions to a degree I can only marvel at.

So do you think I ought to make my son sleep on a straw mat in a barren room? Think I ought to take him somewhere new, day in and day out, so he can learn to be like me? That’s ridiculous.

I think your situation is similar. You have certain things you believe will enhance a life, but your son begs to differ. He disagrees, maaan. If I were you, I would tell him that you’re willing to support him around anything he’s interested in and then back off. Allllll the way off. And understand he’s got his own timing. He’s eight? He may be fifteen before he figures it out. He may be twenty two! And you know what? There isn’t a damned thing wrong with that.

Bottom line: your son has a different timetable than you. He exists on a plane outside your scope. My son, same thing. He must. Because if I had to lie on that fluffy pillow bed he makes, I swear I’d be sick to my stomach.

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Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Interested in a personal consultation? Click here for more info…