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Social Whirl

July 7th, 2005 @ 12:00 am by Elsa

Hello Elsa,

I moved in with my partner four years ago. He loves me to a fault. He’s a good person and I trust him to always be there for me.

After years of financial restraint, I want to upgrade my lifestyle. I make a good salary, and my children are all grown and on their own now. For the first time in many years, I have both disposable time and income. I’m thinking perhaps of purchasing a BBQ, a hot tub, and new furniture. I want to have fun and create new experiences by attending plays, visiting museums, being a member of the local film club, and going out for dinner.

I do all these things - alone. These activities don’t interest him much. I enjoy myself and when I get home, he willingly listens to my accounts. My partner is content to stay at home. I always have a good time and when I return, I am welcomed grandly.

We do take occasional day trips together to swim, canoe, and hike. And there is also the occasional get-together with his family. He seems more comfortable with these types of activities. And I enjoy them, too. But I find that I’m becoming increasingly discontented and resentful towards him.

Do I have something really good here that I need to appreciate more?

Wondering this,
Unhappy

Dear Unhappy,

heart pendant No, I don’t think you have to appreciate him more. It’s clear from your post that you appreciate him. I think this is more a question of perspective. Is your glass half-empty or half-full? Personally, I think it’s full.

See - when people are in their twenties, they accommodate others in all sorts of ways. They mould themselves to please their parents, get a date, or please their spouse. In their thirties, everything is for the kids! But when you get into your forties and fifties, it’s your chance to live a more authentic life. This is the reason most of us have a zillion friends when we’re twenty, but far fewer as we age. We just don’t want to accomodate others the way we had to when we were younger.

So this is what you’re up to, just like your man. He doesn’t want a BBQ. He’s doesn’t need a BBQ to feel good. He’s determined this, the same way you’ve determined you want to get out of the house!

Here’s my point: your relationship is real. It sounds secure, and your man is supportive and responsive to you. You might be able to see this in a different light. You’re in a relationship with an actualized man. One with a spine who knows what he wants. See what I mean? Change your focus.

Beyond that, get yourself a date night! Ask him to go out with you - you choose what and where. Shoot for once a week, but settle for twice a month. I think he’ll do this for you and it will benefit him as well. And the money?

I wouldn’t get hung up on it. You have more than he does. You want more than he does. You need more than he does. So what? You could get yourself a man with more resources but would he listen to you like this one does? Could you trust him? Would he let you be yourself?

You could get a social butterfly man as well, but what would he lack? You’ve got yourself an authentic partner. He’s “into you” as they say, so yes. I do think you have something really good here. So how about you take him out tonight?

Good luck.

~~
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Astrology, Relationship Patterns | Posted at 12:00 am

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