Hey Elsa

I’ve been dating this guy for almost 4 years now. We’ve broken up significantly 3 times. We stayed apart for months at a time and both felt pretty anguished about it. It’s become this ridiculous cycle in my life, When things are good, they’re awesome. I feel totally in love.

But then I always get stifled. I feel like he’s not moving forward, not interested in figuring out life and taking joy in it. I feel taken for granted, and I feel horribly guilty about walking past somebody on the street and wanting them. And I think, “Great, I’m 23 years old. I ought to be meeting people and exploring the world!”

But every time I leave him I eventually realize how completely miserable and lonely I am after all. So here I am, with my brand new job, in my brand new town, and my steadfast if completely boring, unromantic lover 400 miles away. I want to do new things, and meet new people, and I feel so hampered by him.

I feel like I deserve to be taken out and given flowers, and generally treated like a girl. But I recognize if I leave him again, I’m probably going to realize the world is even more beautiful through his eyes.

Is this the sort of the cycle my life is doomed to travel in?

Signed,
In a Rut